I miss the old me…

They’re words we tend to think from time to time. Not because we are suckers for afternoon trips down Nostalgiaville (the memory lane, not the town), although that’s always a possibility if the past was rosier than our present. But because we simply can’t avoid thinking about what once was. What we once were. Life back in the day…

Maybe we had a high-flying job and now we don’t.

Or perhaps we’re victims of love…We loved at some point, but things didn’t turn out as we pictured in our rose-tinted musings, an experience that left us with effects that, once in a while, stir to this day.

Or it could be that we miss an earlier version of us that was jovial and lived life carefree, full of joie de vivre; but now, life feels serious with all the adult responsibilities; depressing even. And we don’t like it.

Sometimes we wish the clock would turn back, but we end up with feelings of longing and melancholy because we know teleporting only works in Sci-fi. We can’t have that life back. It’s gone.

Nothing is forever

The reluctance to let go of our old selves is normal. Don’t beat yourself up for it. The human brain is wired to resist change, you see, especially if that change entails getting out of the comfort zone (“suffering” in brain speak).

Oddly enough, we experience the same resistance even when the promise of what’s to come is much better than our current circumstances.

That’s why you might find yourself getting in the way of your own progress or success in life, aka engaging in self-sabotage. It’s what wellness practitioners or that motivational speaker you came across on Ted Talks meant by that psychological or mental blocks reference.

Psychologists have traced the roots of self-sabotage to fear – or what happens when you experience negative thoughts that are not congruent with your positive behavior.

This is why you might hold back from applying for that plum job or promotion by convincing yourself that you’re not good enough.

It is why you might be hesitant to launch that online store founded on what’s an incredible business idea, but you fear that it will never gain traction.

Or why you don’t want to stand up for something for fear of being judged, or the vulnerability that comes with exposing or putting yourself “out there”.

But being the creatures of habit that we are, what we need to always remind ourselves is the transitory nature of life. Transition is the very basic nature of life on earth. Reality is dynamic at its very core, never static. In other words, change is an inevitable part of life, no exceptions.

Sometimes, that change might be good. Other times, life might pull the rug from under our feet, on some occasions so hard that we feel we have hit rock bottom – could be in the shape of a breakup or divorce, your business going under, losing your savings through investment, death of a child, sibling, or parent, etc.

We might not always fancy change, especially if that change comes in the form of the proverbial lemons, but teaching ourselves to move on is an important skill in life. It will never always be fair, life, neither we’ll we always appreciate the deck of cards it deals us. But that’s the cold reality of it. As they say, it’s not always a bed of roses.

The best we can do when misfortune in its multiple variants befalls us is accept the situation, dust ourselves up after grieving, and keep going. Easy to say, I know, which is why it’s apt to add that resilience is a nice little trait to cultivate. It will be your best friend when you need to find a reason to get back up and keep moving.

We don’t win when we resist change. The best we can do under the circumstances is to embrace it, aka move with the flow.

And so it is with our personal selves.

Closing old chapters

Oftentimes, we’re prone to miss the person we once were at some point in our lives. The old us.

Other times, we might be happy with the person we’ve transformed into through the years, but someone close to us might not be, much. Could be a partner, could be a close friend. They’ll usually say things like “you’ve really changed these days. I miss the old you” or “you’re not the person I met”, usually in disapproving undertones.

Well, here’s the thing. There’s nothing wrong with becoming a different person from the one you used to be or the one other people used to know. It’s called evolving as an individual. In fact, what’s totally wrong is being trapped into the same version of you that you were “x” years ago.

Why?

Because it shows you’re stagnant and content with being stuck at the same place – which should not be the case. Sure, you might have gotten a raise or job promotion and are better off financially now than you were in previous years. But have you, as an individual, progressed in terms of personal evolution? If not, what’s holding you back?

Life is meant to be dynamic. Like a multiple act play where each scene demands a different version of you, complete with different supporting cast members even (read friends, colleagues, or other connects). And different challenges.

When we understand this, it gets easier to say goodbye to our old selves – as much as we might miss that person – and usher in a new version of us.

Each stage of our lives demands a different us. If we deny ourselves the need to evolve as life requires of us, what we’re doing is getting in the way of our progress. We’re settling for less by resisting what is needed change.

In the long run, what’s that likely to do is culminate into a life full of regrets. Regretting the chances we didn’t take. The missed opportunities. The offers we overlooked. Coulda, shoulda, woulda…

It’s like a lobster. As it grows, the shell that was warm and cozy starts becoming constraining. The more the lobster stays inside the old shell, the more suffocating it gets – to a point, becoming even painful. To survive, the lobster is forced to hide and chuck the old shell so another can grow in its place.

It’s a vulnerable period for the lobster – as it will be for you. And it repeats multiple times throughout the lobster’s life.

You will suffer an identity crisis in between the shells, or scenes [of your life] in our case. But it is necessary. And natural. Just like we evolve into different people when we make the step from infancy to childhood to teenage, our adult life is not meant to be static.

By all means, miss the old you. Feel nostalgic about it. But always remind yourself that the past is meant to be looked back upon, not lived in.